Egad. Just ... Egad.

So I posted an article in which I tried to dispassionately delineate the differences between perception and reality vis-a-vis liberals and conservatives. For example, I stated that not all liberals are atheists, and not all conservatives are money-grubbing plutocrats. I think I did a fairly good job of stripping away the caricatures of both sides as portrayed by the other and getting to the basics of what each side actually stands for.

Apparently I did not do as well as I thought. In one of the Facebook groups of which I am a member, there are a couple of guys who are the arbiters of all that is good, and decent, and who are the sole judges as to the level of objectivity anyone brings to the table. And woe be unto anyone who dares dispute their authority, for they shall reap the whirlwind.

(For the benefit of these "authorities," who clearly have a problem understanding things, that was a literary device known as sarcasm, in which the surface meaning is pretty much the opposite of the actual intent.)

I would like to point out at this point that I am not going to divulge the identities of these brainstems, because the level of mockery they would be subjected to is, I'm pretty sure, a violation of the Eighth Amendment prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment. Moving right along ...

Anyway, these two idiots decided that the article was yet another example of the "hatred on the left." Never mind that it was not critical of anything, or that it did not overtly take one side or the other. In their minds -- such that they are, anyway -- because I didn't immediately fall to my knees to genuflect at the Really Big, Amazing Altar of trump, The Biggest Altar, Really, People Are Always Saying How It's The Best, Believe Me, then the entire article must therefore have been a liberal hatchet job intended to disparage the fine name of conservatism the world over.

So they commented. And I responded. And they responded to my response. I responded again, and then realized that I would probably get better results by arguing with a tree stump -- and it could be argued that the tree stump would have given more coherent responses. But I'll let you judge for yourself ...



So, with all that being said, I am going to give them exactly that of which they say I am guilty: a lengthy, invective-ridden, spittle-flecked diatribe against trump, the Republicans, and conservatism in general. That way they can get their rocks off decrying my "lack of objectivity" (an idiot accusation for an opinion blog ... just sayin'), and the people in the Facebook group who know who they are can roundly pelt them with mockery and derision. Let's begin, shall we?

The level of stupid that comes from the Republican Party, and trumpeters in particular, is staggering. So much so that if stupidity had mass, trump never would have gotten elected because the dumbassery at one of his rallies would have collapsed in on itself until it was a black hole of idiocy, a "moron singularity," if you will, and taken every single one of the knuckle-draggers who supported him with it.

The thing is, the Republicans know they can't win on the merits of their platform, which is why they resort to various dirty tricks:

• Voter ID laws to address a problem of in-person voter fraud that doesn't exist, and which -- purely as a matter of coincidence, I'm sure -- affect primarily Democrats.
• Gerrymandering House districts to gain a majority in that chamber even though registered Democrats outnumber registered Republicans across the country (for example, in the 2012 Congressional elections in Pennsylvania, Republicans won 13 out of the 18 House seats -- 72% -- despite only garnering 48.6% of the vote statewide).
• Colluding with Russia to alter the 2016 election. That's right, I said it. I think Mitch McConnell was in on it from the beginning because, let's face it, trump and his gang of idiots aren't bright enough to locate Russia on a map -- even though it's the biggest country in the world.

If a real, fair, and honest election were held in 2016 instead of Crazy Vlad's Puppet Show, trump would still be in Trump Tower, cheating contractors, lusting after his daughter, and scarfing down Big Macs until the turgid sludge that serves as his bloodstream completely coagulates and his carcass is trucked out of the building and dumped in the East River.

In 2018, I predict that Turtle Boy McConnell and Eddie Munst -- I mean, Paul Ryan -- are both going to lose their majorities because, in the past ten months, they have shown the Republican Party matches P. J. O'Rourke's description in "A Parliament of Whores" perfectly: "The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it." The GOP has the White House. It has a very solid majority in the House. It has a majority in the Senate -- slim, but with Closet-Case Pence as the tiebreaker they do have a little breathing room. Yet they have not been able to advance any significant legislation at all. And people are starting to take notice.

When your side is behind the wheel and you can't even get the car out of the driveway without killing all the neighbors' pets, it's a pretty good sign that you aren't to be trusted with anything more dangerous than a burnt match. This is why, in 2018, y'all are going down. Hard.

And I will laugh, and dance, and sing, and gloat shamelessly. I gotta lie down.

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