A New Proposal

Apparently the right wing, as well as others who engage in masturbatory gun fantasies, are clutching their pearls over the fact that the students behind the March For Our Lives event didn't fund it from their allowance money, relied on adults to provide advice and guidance, and do not have minds of their own.

In one video from "Here's The Deal" (which, despite the title, is not at all about providing truthful analysis and is instead all about pushing propaganda), the host, Deneen Borelli, gets all choked up talking about how "liberals use teenagers -- CHILDREN -- to push their agenda." This is followed by footage of an eleven year old girl speaking into a microphone in front of a crowd, saying "I have a dream: no more guns."



This is in keeping with things I have heard from others on the right -- anything from established organizations to far-right nutjobs on Facebook -- that these kids aren't to be taken seriously because they didn't do this themselves and they are just puppets for liberal media and even if they did they had to take money from people like George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey and it's all lies and these poor kids are being used by the liberal media to take away our rights and guns are wonderful things and you ain't commin' fer MAH guns, dammit and what about Hillary's emails? Murica.

Look, I'm not going to get into a play-by-play recount of right-wing hypocrisy here. I'm not, for example, going to point out that these kids raised money in precisely the same way the neo-Nazis in Charlottesville did: by contacting people with whom they share goals and asking for donations. Nor am I going to highlight the fact that these kids asking for adult help for this event is no different than asking for adult help with a bake sale to raise money for new band uniforms; the only difference is the scale. I'm not even going to mention how ludicrous it is that a school district in Pennsylvania has decided that having a bucket of rocks in each classroom is a valid response to an active shooter situation, or Rick Santorum suggesting that, instead of marching against guns, these kids should be learning CPR so they can respond swiftly when the next shooting event happens. Above all I am not going to point out that Emma Gonzalez is a far better spokesman for -- well, anything -- than someone like Dana Loesch (plasticized Barbie puppet of the NRA).

No, today I am going to focus on this fundamental basis of the argument:

March For Our Lives protesters: "We don't want people to get shot in school. Please stop."
Right wing gun nuts: "Um ... no."

Got that? The official stance of the NRA and its supporters is "yeah, we know you don't like getting killed in class, but that's just too damned bad because Second Amendment and shit." Then they lock themselves in the bathroom and yank off to a copy of "Soldier of Fortune."

No less than former Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens -- who penned a dissent to Scalia's majority opinion in the ridiculous Heller v. DC case (2008) that essentially guaranteed an individual's right to have an insane arsenal in their home -- has said that the Second Amendment is outdated, obsolete, no longer relevant, and should be repealed. Naturally, this has gun nuts stopping to thoughtfully consider the ramifications --



Of course, I'm kidding. These people are getting their 18th century breeches all knotted up over the apparent sanctity of the Constitution. They spout drivel like "the Constitution should be interpreted EXACTLY AS WRITTEN," but when pressed on the specifics (such as counting non-whites as three-fifths of a person, or doing away with the direct election of Senators, or disenfranchising women of their right to vote) they will start mumbling something about it not being the same thing, then they will pivot to Hillary's emails or Obama's birth certificate or why is shooting someone different than an abortion? Then they start dropping catch phrases: "liberal media," "leftist tyranny," and so on.

Occasionally one of these mouth breathers will offer up gun rights as protection from tyranny and governmental overreach. However, when it is pointed out that their cute little AR-15 and camouflage t-shirt will be about as effective against the United States military as a garden hose against a volcano, they will then pivot to the Triumvirate of Stupid: Hillary's emails, Obama's birth certificate, and abortion.

I actually saw one guy who maintained that "Certain death is the inevitable human condition that governments impose on an unarmed populace." According to this outlook, the only way to prevent government agents from stomping into your home and assassinating you just for fun is to shoot the fuck back, and if the people don't have guns then they are all doomed to being sent to a gulag in extreme northeastern Montana, or something.

Oh, and that post had a picture of a very scary-looking black man with an AR-15.

This is all silliness. Yes, the Second Amendment is obsolete and needs to be repealed. Yes, the National Rifle Association is nothing more than a way for the right wing to engage in a circle jerk that nets them millions of dollars. Yes, the kids have a valid point: it's not at all unreasonable to ask that people please stop shooting them. For some reason the right is very threatened by this, so much so that the amount of online propaganda has reached staggering proportions.



Videos accusing the kids of being shills for George Soros. People accusing Emma Gonzalez of being a closet commie who supports Fidel Castro (even though he's dead) because she had a Cuban flag on her jacket (never mind that she's of Cuban heritage, she's a socialist). Op-ed pieces calling for the arrest of protest organizers. Hand-wringing over the amount of litter left behind after the march (ignoring the even larger amounts of garbage strewn all over the Mall after trump's inauguration ... from a smaller group of people).

It is time to shut these assholes down ... permanently. We need to take the following steps:

• Repeal the Second Amendment.
• Declare the National Rifle Association to be a terrorist organization, the rationale being they routinely fund and support activities that would be labeled as "terrorist activities" if they were being done by brown people or people with Arabic-sounding names.
• Punch Mitch McConnell in the throat and watch him squirm (okay, not at all needed to address this situation; I just want to watch him suffer).

I gotta lie down.

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