My Farewell

Well, it's finally happened. The end of my life approaches ... not with a bang, but with a cough, wheeze, and whimper.

For those of you who don't yet know, I have contracted HTVPFMDFFH (Highly Toxic and Very Probably Fatal Martian Death Flu From Hell¹). The prognosis is not good ... I will probably be dead within days.

Once that day comes, I have a few simple requests:

• My wife is going to need all the help and comfort she can get. I ask that this assistance arrive primarily in the form of small, unmarked, non-sequentially numbered bills.
• When planning the state funeral, please be aware that I do NOT want any R&B acts like Rihanna performing. I prefer J. D. McPherson.
• I do not want to lie in state in the Capitol Building; I am more than content to be memorialized with a national holiday and a bridge or two.
• Flags only need be flown at half-staff for a few months.

So it's been real, kids. I'll catch you on the flipside.

I gotta lie down.

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¹My wife says it's "just a cold," but then again she isn't a doctor and has absolutely zero training in dealing with HTVPFMDFFH, so what does she know?